The countdown has begun. Not that I am actually counting, but I know that it’s less than a week to the one year anniversary of Alan going home and his birthday the following day. That and another family heartache has been weighing heavily on my mind. I stumbled down the stairs this morning made my coffee and sat down with the Word. Then this happened!
I literally opened my Bible and in my mind cried out, ” Lord, I need to know you haven’t forgotten us!” I know it’s not very pretty and I could spend time scolding myself for not rejoicing over all the ways God has shown us this past year how very faithful He is, BUT, He chose to meet me in my mess this morning. My heart a bloody wrecked thing, my mind clouded by all the scenarios going through my mind, my spirit fighting to hear my shepherd’s voice amidst it all. He met me! I flipped to the Psalms as it is my go-to when my heart is heavy.The very first page I turned to, I saw this ,when I cast my eyes down.
” All this has come upon us, but WE have not forgotten YOU, and we have not dealt falsely with Your covenant. Our heart has not turned back. ” Psalm 44: 17
“Rise up, be our help and redeem us for the sake of your lovingkindness. My heart overflows with a good theme. I address my verses to the King. My tongue is the pen of a ready writer.” (Ps.45:1)
This Father, I want this! To let my pain bring purpose, to my heart and the hearts of others. To let your truth be on my tongue and on my pen. I cannot even, stay in this painful place Lord! What does it look like to not deny the pain of my circumstances, but to hand them over to Jesus to be changed in the light of His presence?
“And their own arm did not save them. But Your right hand and Your arm and the light of Your presence. For you favored them.” ( Ps.44:3)
Is this how you favor your beloved Father? You take their pain and by your presence change it into something that works for their good? Something that fuels their faith.
Yes! The Spirit whispered to my heart! Yes, and He brought to my memory a truth he had taught me over 10 yrs ago, a truth buried in my heart.
Suffering is our bread. You may say, I will pass thank you very much! If ever I was going to give up my carb addiction now is the time! I get it! Boy, do I get you dear one!
But we know beloved that life and suffering go hand in hand. 1 Peter 4:12-19 reminds us not to be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on us as though something strange were happening. What is different, is that for followers of Christ, those sufferings do not have to weaken us. Rather they can do the opposite .They can become our BREAD!
So I followed the trail of bread crumbs the Spirit was leading me on and I searched for where that truth he had deposited in my spirit had come from so many years ago only to rise to the surface today.
It was from Isaiah. 30:20 ” Although the Lord has given you bread of suffering and water of oppression, He your teacher will not longer hide Himself, but your eyes will behold your Teacher. Your ears will hear a word behind you. ” This is the way, walk in it” whenever you turn to the right or the left.
Then you will cast away all your idols.
Then he will give you rain for the seed which you will sow in the ground and bread from the yield of the ground.
Beloved we know that God does not cause all of the suffering that we experience in this world. The two biggest sufferings we are in the midst of right now are from the death of my husband and the other is from one person’s free will to live for themselves at the expense of others. The Amazing Grace of God, is that we do not have to live as victims of those circumstances. Rather we are overcomers as we allow them to become our BREAD.
As we hand them over to Jesus to be changed in the light of His presence, they become bread for our spirits. The strength they give us cause our hearts to fall at Jesus feet casting any other idols we may have in them, before Him. Then He takes the words we sow on his behalf , the testimony of our faith in Him no matter what and He waters those words of faith. He not only waters them, He brings bread from the harvest of them.
For we know that, “Neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything but only God who gives the growth.” 1 Cor. 3:7
He becomes Christ in Us, the HOPE of glory! Will you let your sufferings become your bread?