Sometimes in the middle of the craziest day the Lord will pierce my heart with the sweetest truth.
I have been thinking often of how by man’s standards, Alan didn’t leave a lot of earthly riches behind him. But, the inheritance He did leave was so very, very rich!
These kids he left me with are the greatest gift I could ever ask for! I could search the whole world and not find any better. That may sound like bragging, but I assure you it isn’t. It is a humble offering of praise to our Father. It is recognition of all the times in parenting Alan and I had no words of wisdom and fell on our knees seeking the Giver of All Wisdom.
It is a heart that is deeply grateful for the example Alan set before our kids, not of being perfect, but of rising so very early, 3:30 a.m. on many days, to seek God through His word. He did this not to “gain knowledge” but to ask the Spirit to be His teacher. Knowing that life on this earth would require more strength and wisdom and discernment than he would have to give of himself. I have seen that gift of hunger for the Word of God passed onto and living in my children. I get to watch them walk through hard things and yet literally fill every visual space around them to renew their minds with His promises. I get to see them share it with others. I get to see them wash each other in the Word. Life will never be perfect for you or me. But when we know the one who holds our future, when we know who goes before us and behind us, we can take heart.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I alone am the recipient of getting to see the fruits that have been born in our children. That Alan is not here witnessing this with me.
When I sit in the room with all of them on a daily basis and hear the conversations that flow so naturally among them of the challenges we are facing and what God’s word is teaching them about how to handle those, I am overwhelmed!
When I see how they run to each other first with the tiniest bit of good news, my heart is warmed.
When I get to laugh with them daily, sometimes amidst tears, I am filled up.
Our God has been SO good to me and I ask Him often to convey a sense of my deep love and appreciation to Alan. I trust that God has good plans for our future because He is that good! But I could not step into the future without telling our Great God that I am without words to express how thankful I am for His faithfulness in the past and giving me the best gifts He could imagine in all of my children.