Today I woke up sad. For the first time in over a year I didn’t get to wake up and give my husband a kiss and start his daily care. That could be as simple as making him breakfast and giving him his meds or it could be giving him a shower, dressing him, brushing his teeth and feeding him.
No matter what it looked like, I relished the time spent with him. It was not my gift to Alan, rather it was God’s gift to me, to care for him. It was one of the sweetest gifts I have ever been given. Alan was so sweet and patient with my care. I probably fumbled things at times,bumping his toe, not giving him those long, long showers he loved, I know I squeezed the toothpaste tube wrong when I brushed his teeth. 🙂 He would always just pat me.
Long after his words were few or nonexistent he would gently pat me as I cared for him. The best ” I love you” I could imagine.
So today I feel sad. I know that sadness is for ME and so I won’t camp out here. But , I miss him, and ” It’s okay”. It is his birthday today! He is 47 years old. He may be celebrating it somewhere else and we will bury his physical body today. But Alan lives!! As my Jake said, ” Mom , this will be Dad’s best birthday yet! God wanted to give him the BEST gift this year.”
So we celebrate him! We miss him! We rejoice that the Lord chose him to be ours for a little while! We rejoice that he is with his Father! When the sadness overwhelms our hearts we will refocus the ” lens” of our hearts on what amazing goodness he must be participating in today and we WILL give thanks! In all things we will give thanks!
Happy Birthday my love!