I love seasons! Don’t you? I get tired of things looking and feeling the same, then the seasons change. Spring, is one of my favorites, bringing with it the feeling of hope.
I can’t remember Spring last year. Just as the daffodils were lifting their heads and the trees were sprouting their tiny blossoms, we were saying goodbye to my husband. He had fought the good fight and was finishing the race. We had no idea the race would end so soon. We were not prepared for it. Yet, here we were in the midst of a Spring that felt like Winter.
Winter and Spring warred for the territory of our hearts. We felt the imminence of death with every moment. While our hearts longed for one more moment to gaze upon his face, our spirits longed for him to be free from the pain and suffering. It was Spring, time for death to give way to life, and so it did.
In the wee hours of the morning, the Father woke me up. My alarm was set to go off in 15 minutes and give one more dose of morphine. Suddenly, I sat straight up on the couch. I leaned over to touch my beloved’s chest, lying so still, I thought I had missed his last goodbye. As I laid my hand upon his chest I felt him exhale, one last time. My heart broke and gave thanks at the same time! Alan’s Spring had come. As he exhaled earth, he inhaled Heaven. I treasured this fact in my heart as I woke my children. We gathered round his bed, saying goodbye once last time. We sang praises to our Father, let the tears fall and talked about the gift Alan was to us. Our bodies they were numb from lack of sleep and sorrow but our hearts were bubbling like the sap in Spring. For we knew that we sang to the one we followed by faith, while Alan was now singing to Him face to face. For Alan it was no longer winter. It was Spring! He no longer needed to be reminded by the green earth and blossoms around him that we serve a God that makes all things new. He had lived it. He no longer had cause to be reminded of new life, He was walking in it.
But for us, we had no idea it was spring! The world had changed and while the path for the race we were running was the same, it felt dark! We have spent the last year finding our footing and wading through the fog. We strained even harder to hear the voice of God. We renewed our minds with His Word and reminded ourselves, this is not our home. The children and I gathered in tight, speaking life and truth to each other. Some days our hearts were so full they just burst, then tears would overflow. Not because we had no hope but because we loved so much!!
It’s now been a year and yes it’s Spring! My heart and eyes tell me so. Spring, still means all the things it ever has, hope, new seasons and life, but this year it means something just a bit more. It reminds us of His presence.
Through the mountain tops and dark valleys we travel, through the seasons of Winter and Spring, He goes with us. When our path is the darkest and most treacherous we can lift up our eyes to His presence and suddenly the whole landscape changes. Just like our Father sweeps away Winter with its’s death and decay, and Spring comes waltzing in. He longs to do that in our hearts. He does so with His Word.
“His word is a lamp for our feet and a light for our path. (Ps.119:105)
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God endures forever.” (Is.40:8)
The seasons they will keep on changing in the physical and in our lives but no matter the season what stays the same is our God and His life-giving Word