My husband left this earth and walked into Heaven a year ago February. An incredibly fit and healthy man, the brain cancer he battled for a year and a half was the last thing we expected on the New Year’s Eve he was diagnosed.
Can we just stop? I want a do over. How can I can keep from walking into this New Year and all that it holds?
This was not what I wanted my life to look like. Alan would have turned 46 the day after he exhaled earth and inhaled Heaven. Our children weren’t tiny but they all still needed him. Our oldest daughter had just walked through an extremely painful season in her life a year and a half before. Her daddy, her rock, spoke truth over her at every turn, reminding her to trust herself to the Father. He had coffee with her every morning and held her new baby as she mourned her broken dreams.
Our oldest son had just started college, while our younger son was in high school. They were both trying to figure out what manhood looked like. Then, there was our youngest daughter. She was 13 when her daddy was diagnosed. She is a natural peacemaker, which means she felt everyone else’s feelings on top of her own.
I still remember the day we were sitting around the dinner table and Alan was telling his sister of how he wrestled with the Lord about his healing. He worried about what would happen to us if he was called to Heaven.
Then, with supernatural peace, Alan told her the Father had reassured him He would and could take better care of us than Alan could possibly imagine doing himself. My flesh wanted to say, “Wait! When did this conversation happen? I am not okay with this!” It wasn’t many months after that Alan did pass on to Heaven.
I’m sharing the rest of the story as a guest post on my friend’s blog today. Hop over to www.Dorina Gilmore.com to read the rest of this essay. She walks her own brave story and is a children’s author as well!
Tara, I’m not sure what happened to my comment for your last post, but I appreciate how you open up your heart to us. The last few days, I started to ask on a post, “If you could have a do-over, what would you do?” In Christ and in our heart He gives our whole life a do-over. In this life though …, what we’re learning sure changes us. You keep growing from beauty to more beauty. I’m so sorry for your pain. My love and prayers, Ann
I love you and your beautiful heart Ann! You give so much life to all who know you!
poignant words .. i appreciate reading your heart.
lifting my eyes midst brokenness .. losing our daughter
to a so-called faith based counseling program.
memory regression therapy.. gone seemingly forever.
5+ years now.
we’re among others – too many others – parents who’ve
lost their daughters to the same program.
but lately? my eyes are lifting heavenward as i
surrender “it” all to my Lord. long time coming….. ♥
blessings..
sherry
I am so sorry for the loss and pain! I know the Lord is holding you and helping you lift your eyes in the midst of it all. May you feel the comfort only He gives! Hugs and prayers!