Sunday marked three months since Alan went to live with Jesus. My heart remembered this before my mind did. It has been an extremely challenging week. Not without the Lord’s blessings, for if we are mindful, we see even those in the midst of stress and sadness.

Playing peek a boo with Ava Rosie

I lost count of how many times a flashback of Alan’s final days came to my mind and heart this week. Those days were full of suffering in every way.  It makes my heart ache so much to remember, it takes my breath away. I long for the day when it is the older memories of joyful, fun that are the first to pop in my mind.

An old but good memory. Walks on the beach with Daddy were the best.

I realize this will one day be the case, but waiting can be hard. Let’s face it we don’t like to wait. And, we all have to do it. I don’t know what you are “waiting” on. But I know the one who waits with you. I know you aren’t alone. I know when it feels like you just cannot take one more step. He is there to light the way, to walk with you and hold you up. 
” Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! Then, I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy…and I WILL PRAISE you with the lyre, O God, my God.”
Ann Voscamp once said, “A crop is made by all the seasons, by letting one season bring its yield into the next.”

A quiet moment with the Lord.
 This has been a hard season, I long with everything in me for a season not so hard and yet I remember that when a fire sweeps across a field, the grass grows back even greener. I heard one time that, “Suffering made audible and visible, produces hope.” I believe this to be true, when we remind each other who holds the broken pieces and trust that He will produce a beauty that is beyond our comprehension from them. 

A sweet moment with Nate, a rare dinner alone with him.

I had the sweetest moment in church Sunday. We were singing this song and I couldn’t help but weep because I knew Alan was singing it face to face with his Savior.

Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore Thee,
Casting down their golden crowns around the crystal sea;
Cherubim and seraphim falling down before Thee,
Who was, and is, and evermore shall be.

Holy, holy, holy! though the darkness hide Thee,
Though the eye of sinful man Thy glory, may not see;
Only thou are holy; there is none beside Thee,
Perfect in power, in love, and purity. 

He is perfect my friends! He is STILL perfect in power, in love and in purity. 

He is a present God! He is God with us!

* Reginald Heber wrote the hymn is 1826. The music was by John Dykes in 1861.

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